Need To Write A Sympathy Card & Don't Know What To Say.... Easy Ways To Enhance A Sympathy Card

Recently a friend of mine lost her mother. Her mother had been in a nursing home for six years. Her mother's health had been deteriorating during the last several months and finally the time came when she no longer wanted to keep trying.

This friend is not someone I see on a daily basis. I see her several times a year and usually get caught up during those visits. When she wrote me that her mother had passed I immediately wanted to write her a sympathy card. I usually like to write a personal message but sometimes they can be the hardest things to write.

Often you only want to write a few sentences. You sit with pen in hand contemplating what to write after the word Dear. There is always the trite and true, Sorry to hear about your loss, or You are in my prayers. But after awhile these sentiments seems old and used. While they are often true, the person reading those words don't really feel any connection with you. They are just words on the page with no real meaning or feeling behind them.

If you want to be more creative, you are often stymied as to what else to say.

Being creative often seems wrong. After all, the event you are writing about is full of grief and sorrow. Bringing up words of encouragement sounds great but in practicality they feel shallow. It's like the news reporter who shoves the microphone in a mother's face after her child has been found murdered and asks her how she feels? What is the person going to say? That she feels great? The reporter can wish her to take care, but it doesn't help. In fact it could even feel insulting.

Death is a tricky subject. Most people don't want to talk about it. If you've ever had a death in the family and you begin receiving sympathy cards, you almost get to the point where you don't want to open them. You know it will be another, Our Deepest Sympathy, with a signature. This isn't wrong, but the cards you remember most are the ones that share something with the reader. Either a personal story about the deceased person, or something you remember hearing about.

Adding personal messages is a great way to also work through your own grief. It can inspire you to think about the more positive aspects of a very sad situation. It can also help you connect to the person who is left and living the loss.

When I added a note to my friend's card I remembered all the stories she had shared with me about her trips to the nursing home. How she fought to get good quality care from the nurses and staff. There were many instances when she could have walked away from a daily struggle with the staff and just come back the next day as if nothing had happened. But she never did. She took issues before the board of the nursing home and demanded better care and attention. She never let her mother down.

Thinking about life stories draws many emotions. Looking through old pictures, if that applies to your relationship, is one way to rejuvenate past experiences. It can also give you lots to write about. Remembering the:

• last time you took a trip together
• when you last went to the movies
• had a lively debate
• attended the last wedding together
• shared an exciting email
• cried together
• showed off your first child or grandchild
• talked about a serious subject
• visited a museum
• or bought pretzels at a sporting event

can bring new insights into that person's life as well as your own. Sorrow is a universal emotion. No one can escape it. Recently I heard Prince William, who will be married soon, give a speech in which he said his grandmother once told him that grief is the price you pay for love. That couldn't be more fitting, or more accurate. Grief does come to those who love, but with that love springs much joy and times to remember.

Talking about those times, even though it may seem too fresh after someone has passed, is one way to connect with those surviving the loss. Reminding them about past memories will ultimately bring healing while they are going through the grieving process.

Whenever you find it difficult to express sorrow, just think about the person you are writing to. Also think about the person who is gone, if you knew them at all. Memories bring fresh inspiration. Don't be afraid to take pen to paper and craft a hearfelt message. The receiptient will be thankful for your words and your thoughtfulness.